Take Her Hand (pt. II)
Last where they left off , She was asking him, “Where do I stand?” He replied , “We’re moving forward , and as long as you’re reaching for me, I’m gonna always take your hand”
Things went back to the drawing board. They started fresh by trying to work things out , Trying to slowly, attack each issue. Side by side , there was no sign of self-doubt.
Time quantity grew. Trust grew. Positivity grew
In such little time , she stopped second guessing herself. When she slipped, she never hesitated to ask for his help.
For a few months, there was a lot of good times and with those newly added memories, she was convinced everything would be just fine ..
But , she called things way too soon.
The next year became the new year. With that, unfortunately, came new fears.
Because timing of it all was a touchy subject, so many things that she was starting to suspect.
Things became a little awkward again, she had a feeling the high from before finally had came to an end.
She became afraid of history being repeated, afraid that one of them would be cheated.
A year back , things between them started to slack.
The energy changed. The number of messages became ranged. Things surely didn’t feel the same. She felt like she was the blame, and ashamed.
Intimidated by certain aspects and hurt by actions, the horrific memory always ignites in her an emotional reaction ..
Now as of late , she feels his hand slowly slip, out of her grip, like she was holding onto a breakable thread above a shaky cliff.
It has her mind contemplating , her heart starts racing , with her negative thoughts chasing, no longer able to feel his embracing. It’s crazy.
Things haven’t been bad , but for the things she struggles to express to him , she’s really quick to become sad.
The dynamic has become so different and despite still being so close, things have felt so distant.
He’s still so close to her , but mentally she feels he’s so far away. She feels them drifting each day. It’s like she can feel his feet , in the leather of his shoes , lacing up and walking away .
She trying to fight her pride, trying to say please. She wants him there still, to be near still.
To stay, to promise her he’ll never ever stray, because it’ll feel as scary and cloudy as a judgement day. To imagine him not being in her life anymore and having her feeling like she has no direction, despite her feeling a certain way.
What’s the right thing for her to do? To reduce her insecurity from making her so blue?
How does she let him know all that she has felt, and release all of the frustration built up inside of herself?
He’s convinced everything with them is okay, so it’s obvious she hasn’t let it all out in the right ways.
That last approach at first made her feel absolutely better, but now does it seem like that was the case? yeah, whatever.
Lately she’s always been too scared, hesitating to say how she feels, not because it isn’t real, but because she doesn’t want his emotions to peel.
It’s been a few months now that they’ve gone without, so its been easy for her to stem such doubts.
He hasn’t had any doubts like she has, but lately he’ll be quick to let her know if he’s sensing something bad.
Starting to give her a reason instead of just asking her to chill with that, sometimes she’s like, how does he manage to deal with all of that.
Now that I think about it, looking on the outside in, it can be much much worse.
He could’ve walked away a long time ago, but he didn’t simply because he truly cares and loves her so.
Now I know, he’s never left for a reason, he’s been there through the stormy and sunny seasons and that reason, that her I’m talking about, is me.
It’s us. We’ve kinda lost our touch.
Since that day in the fall I’ve been more than willing to continue fighting for it. But unfortunately fighting myself has been her only altercation.
Now it’s a little hard for still losing sight and direction on where our bond stands , but I still pray and I still hope that he’ll never ever let go of my hand.