The After Hours

By: VLB


“A late night for my mind in the after hours of tonight’s shift, I’m in the bed stripped down with my lemon water to the side of me.

Trying to keep the mental thoughts I’ve stored away, like the boxes in the back room, to prevent my wants of the perfect world from spreading inside of me.

Being honest, I guess I need the Lord’s guiding.

Life’s gotten hectic and my lack of peace has me feeling like I’m dying,

but no one can take away the fact at hand that when it comes to me being amazing, I’m forever trying.

To the life I desire and the things I have yet to accomplish, it’s up to me to do the providing,

but that’s beside the point.

I just ate the last of the vanilla ice cream.

I’m wishing this uncertainty I’m feeling tonight was a bad dream.

My thoughts are coming to a head, and being quite honest, I think I just might scream.

So I’m just sitting here, trying to make sense of all these natural emotions. I wish they were easier to explain, but I’m so busy trying to stay busy so I don’t set myself up to complain.

What a battle this is.

Months of pent up writer’s block and a heavy heart to keep me up tonight, with some thoughts and feelings inside that I’m trying to fight.

So I’m here, ready to finally write

Shit, this is gonna be a long night,

but hey, let’s get back to the basics, back to the inspiration, of the place that gives me compensation, and tests my patience, but I luckily avoid being too anxious.

5 months into the aura of this atmosphere, I’ve finally gotten the hang of the game going on and I’ve made myself a functioning place here.

Getting over and moving along. Here and there I get good vibes for a smooth day whenever I enter the building with my headphones bumping my favorite John Mayer song.

No longer the new girl, it’s become second nature to give the recents my perspective, when I know that their expectations are probably selective, of this new world.

Vibing quickly with the youngest soul whose heart outways her size. We worked well tonight under the pressure and occupied the break room just venting about the antics of guys.

Inside jokes galore, and cleaning sprees to pass the time when we got bored.

There’s yet for a conversation that goes deep, but I share respect and courtesy with the new guy who can probably flirt smoothly in his sleep.

Tested by those who don’t understand the ethics of my aura, but I manage, and stop myself from doing any verbal damage.

Everyone is different so I’m no stranger to keeping my respect present.

Few days a week under 30 hours, I have the time for my passion, and the intellect to make things happen. It seems too good to be true but I never hesitate to take on that action.

Spreading myself thin to tread lightly, I’m tired of giving more than I get to the point where I feel like people’s wants and demands are fighting me.

I feel the pressure on me, but I know in time it can bring the blessings upon me.

I’m thankful for the shift to my thoughts of optimism. God’s been good to me with the financial blessing I’ve been given.

I’m tired and yet I wouldn’t dare trade the effects of my physical energy, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t affected mentally.

Thoughts of the easy ways to the better surroundings tempt me, but I know deep down the journey of hard work won’t ever exempt me.

And further the mind travels as I let these headphones in my hand unravel.

My, how the thoughts of the man with the special soul start to run back and deep.

But these days it’s brief when we speak.

He’s special and I cherish him.

Is it crazy that I care for him?

Well, I’ve underestimated the limit of his intelligence, and he’s always been aware of what he means to me. His intuition is excellent.

But shit, am I that crystal clear?

He’s like a lone wolf with hunger analyzing me and smelling my fear.

Damn, I haven’t been affected like that in years.

The sledgehammer to my comfort zone, our common vision for a bigger individual purpose makes me realize I’m not out here trying to beat the odds of society on my own.

I’m never alone.

Challenging me to channel myself in ways that I’ve never explored, a man so bold to try and bring the woman out of me and melt me into a world I’ve never been to before.

There was a time where I thought it was all I meant to him, to open up and become another body, and he have a good girl to turn naughty.

It was like I questioned if I had to be a prettier girl with a better will to do the ungodly, just to get him to spend some time on me.

But I’m smarter than that and I knew better than to assume. He’s always honest with me so for assumptions, there’s no room.

Going through pages of my mind in the book of my unspoken and visited affection, he crosses my mind often from an intimate perspective, and it makes it a challenge for me to forget him.

It’s apparent that the possibilities of the physical passion intrigues us, yet the respect and value for one another never leaves us.

I’m in a battle with myself as I’m wondering if I should just forget how I feel and keep those thoughts at bay. But it’s a conflict of interest when he affects my mind in so many ways.

The essence of his vibes, gives you a feeling of motivation and some “feel good” on the inside.

The everlasting voice of a dying breed, with soul infused to give you exactly what you need.

A true lover of the craft and the culture, so inspiring to keep your outlook on humanity hopeful.

He’s wired different, but the things and people he loves keeps him uplifted.

He’s far from perfect, but of the things he wants out of life, he’s positive that he’s deserving.

His walls come up and down and occasionally he’s hot and cold

But I see something inside of him like his soul is made of Gold.

I guess this is me still wondering where things could one day go, but that’s a taste of the many things I have yet to know.

I mean I never let it show, because I’m afraid to let him know, that I’m still working on letting the thoughts of the unknown with him go.

I mean I don’t know..

I wonder if it’s easier on his side of the brain, I wonder deep down if he even feels the same. But I’m honestly not prepared to play that guessing game.

What could be? We could be.

But is this what we need?

Maybe if I let what could be go,

Could what is grow?

What is, Is this.

A friendship has blossomed like a flower on the seeds of a common resolution, being there for one another is an action that we’ve slowly but surely brought to fruition.

The love for our futures, makes the want for them to just come sooner.

Kicking down the protection of my walls, and feeling good when he calls.

A natural to talk to and a person I can lay on the phone with for at least an hour or two.

Progress is a process, and I do confess, that when it comes to having him in my life, I do feel blessed.

And on that note, I guess, that I can digress,

Back to now.

The clock strikes 5 and I haven’t the slightest clue why I’m awake, but I know at this point the timing is far from a mistake.

Spending all of this time thinking of a perfect world, and trying to be the perfect girl,

when I’m better off just letting the works of this world unfurl.

I’m eager for the coming days of life and as always I have to continue to fight.

I mean it’s only right.

As I’m realizing my worth, it’s probably time to go to sleep.

Get ready to get up, get dressed and get back to work.”